Kylie Hutchinson
Director,
Death Doula,
Advocate, 
Trainer, 
Mentor,
Funeral Director 
 

I was raised in a very death-literate family. I attended a funeral at age 8 because my parents believed that we all need to be prepared for death and understand how we, as a culture, do death. In my family we talked about death, we knew that it was a part of life. I was being prepared for my elderly relatives to die, I knew what happened at a funeral and we openly discussed funeral plans. 

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My first close experience with death was not the one I had been preparing for. It was not my beloved Great-Grandmother, or even my beautiful old Aunty.

 

He was a year older than me and at 17 he stole my heart. With his dark hair, bright blue eyes and a cheeky grin, he had his whole life in front of him. His sudden death shattered my world. The small country town I lived in gathered to grieve. They gathered to support its youth after this tragedy and it was then that I saw how differently we all handle death.

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A year later My Great-Grandmother started asking for me. When your 99 year old Nana asks for you then you make the 3 hour drive and go spend some time with her! I have always claimed to be her favourite, so I sat with her all weekend, we talked and played cards.

She was a feisty old girl who was still as sharp as a tack but her body was failing. All my life I had been told that this might be her last Christmas. Her last Christmas was the year I turned 18.

10 days after spending that weekend with her I spoke at her funeral and wore the ring she had left me.

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I did not get the gentle introduction to death that I had hoped for. Instead I learned that death sometimes comes without warning. Sometimes it is sudden and life-shattering. Over the years I have learned that sometimes it is dramatic and throws us into years of legal battles. Sometimes it is prolonged and has very deep emotional lows with extensive medical procedures. Sometimes it is gentle, with a chance to play cards and say goodbye. 

​Every life and every death is different, so when I heard that there was such a thing as a Death Doula I knew I wanted to do this. I had been preparing for this my whole life. I had already done this for family and friends. I had been there at the last breath. I knew about options after death. I am passionate about the rituals we need in death. I am not afraid to talk about any part of it. I also know that I am in the minority.

 

In our western culture we have hidden death away with the current business model of funeral homes and the secrecy around them, leaving us emotionally ill prepared for the inevitable end of life.

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I had to confront death at a young age and accept that life was fragile, sometimes short and that death was going to happen to us all.

 

By accepting this fact we gain the freedom to talk about it, prepare for it and then we get to make sure those around us know what to do when it does eventually, happen to you. 

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